Stephanie Fein MD [00:00:00]:
Hello, fabulous. Dr. Stephanie Fein here with weight loss for fertility. And today we're talking about a term that a client of mine coined. It's her purse apple. I love that it's the apple that travels with her in her purse wherever she goes, just in case. And I have an addition to make to that, but we'll get into that a little bit later. This is a slightly different but very connected focus.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:00:31]:
This is a similar idea to security blanket food, which I talked about in episode 71. We're going to link that up in the show notes. But there's a slightly different focus or use to this. When I talked about security blanket food first, it was in the context of a change in schedule. So like a vacation or a conference, someplace that's not home, that sort of thing. And that's when we were talking about security blanket food, having something with you. But what my client and I were talking about was having something with you during a regular day. So the idea of, like bringing your lunch or knowing where your lunch is coming from and how long it will take to get to you, so knowing about your lunch.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:01:14]:
But in this case, we're talking about bringing lunch and also bringing any food that you might need through your day. So if you're going to be there a really long time, do you need to bring your dinner, too? Maybe some snacks? So that idea of bringing the food with you is where this idea of a purse apple came from. Because you could be taking your lunchbox every morning and taking your yogurt for a ride, you know, to work and then back from work and to work and back from work, and that it's just something that's with you. But the idea of having it as insurance, not only for weight loss, but even more importantly, for a strong, trusting relationship with yourself. And that's the main point of this. So we take the food, we take what we need in the day so that we can make sure we don't get over hungry. And we don't want to get over hungry because over hunger leads to overeating. It really is that simple.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:02:23]:
I'm gonna get into it a little more. But we bring food, we're gonna have purse apple plus, so we make sure we won't get over hungry so we don't feel panicked wondering where to find something. And really, to me, the panic comes in when we get over hungry. Over hunger sets up the panic. So in general, we're not panicking about where we're going to find food when we're not hungry, but when we become Hungry and slide into over hunger. We can get panicked. And that's when we start to make choices that we're not happy with that we told ourselves we didn't want to do, and now we find ourselves doing and it's because of the over hunger. Another reason we want to bring food is to give ourselves wiggle room for like if we have business lunches or meetings that go over or something that we can't plan for, we want to be able to not feel over hungry and get into that panic mode.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:03:20]:
Because the panic doesn't only have to be about food. You may have experienced it yourself. There's even a term hangry, that idea that our mood changes when we're hungry. It does. And our fuel is used differently. We're running low. We have physiologic effects from being over hungry. And many of us, thank goodness, can prevent that by having food available, easily available to us.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:03:53]:
So preventing over hunger is really important. But the bigger and most important reason to have food with you or be in a predictable situation with your food, like you may have a cafeteria that's easy to get down to, the most important reason is to preserve the relationship you have with yourself. And I know that sounds like a big ask for a purse apple, but let me tell you, here's how the cycle goes. We get over hungry, we overeat, and then we beat ourselves up for overeating. And that predictable cycle, because that is a predictable cycle, getting over hungry, overeating, and then beating ourselves up for overeating, that erodes our relationship with ourselves because we feel out of control. We feel like we're to blame because we're sitting there shoving a lot of food in our mouth. So we think that's our fault. And I guess ultimately, but not in a way that feels as out of control as it feels in that moment.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:04:59]:
We can then feel helpless and defeated. And we generalize this idea to forever and always. I'm never going to be able to do this. I'm terrible. I always lose control. How is this possible? It really can feel like despair. And then those feelings, those thoughts that are going through our head is the beating ourselves up. We're blaming and criticizing and shaming all at that same time.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:05:28]:
And it ultimately creates something where we feel like we can't trust ourselves. We don't keep our word to ourselves. We say we'll do one thing, we do another over and over. Now here's the point. It was an unreasonable ask in an over hungry state. We cannot separate the decisions you make when you're over hungry and overeat from the decisions you would make if you're not over hungry, over hunger is the culprit. It's so interesting. But really, if you make decisions about your food when you are just hungry, they're very easy to make.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:06:13]:
When you make decisions about your food when you're over hungry, they're slightly deranged. I mean, I know that's a strong word, but that's honestly what it could feel like. It just feels like everything's out the window and I'm a terrible human. I have no control. That's not true. We have different hormones. There are hunger hormones involved when we get over hungry. And so it makes such a difference to not let ourselves get over hungry.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:06:44]:
It's a really big deal. And when we don't let ourselves get over hungry and we don't get in this cycle, we can regard ourselves with much more kindness because we see that we can make decisions and keep them. We can make promises for ourselves and keep them if we're not getting over hungry. That's the piece that's so important there. And I keep hammering it in because we think it's a character flaw if we overeat when we're over hungry. And it isn't, it really is a bit out of control. So the answer becomes making decisions and following through before we get over hungry. The way we do that is setting ourselves up for success.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:07:33]:
Okay, so when it comes to losing weight with the hunger scale, we want to have food ready for when we'll be hungry. And we don't always know exactly when we'll be hungry. It's not going to be like wildly different eight hour differences. But we won't know exactly when. So we want to have the food ready for us. We're strengthening our relationship with ourselves when we do this. We are. We allow ourselves to have an easy time following through with what we want when we set ourselves up for success.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:08:09]:
Some planning, some bringing the food, some knowing where our food is coming from. When we do that, we give ourselves the gift of having an easy time following through. It's mean, in my opinion, to ask ourselves to eat. It's mean to ask ourselves to eat something first of all, that we never want to eat. So if you hate yogurt, do not be bringing yogurt. That's number one. But if you like yogurt just fine. But if you get over hungry, we often don't want to eat that.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:08:45]:
That's when we're ordering in and overeating more but if we like something we bring and we eat it when we're just hungry, it goes very smoothly. If we get over hungry, that's when the wheels can come off the wagon because we may not want that. And now we're in a mood where we don't want that. But that mood was created by over hunger. We're setting ourselves up for success. We're setting ourselves up to have a great relationship, a trusting relationship with ourselves when we are reasonable in our ask and we allow ourselves to have an easy time following through with what we want. So remember, we have a realistic goal and then we follow through with it. And that's so much easier to do if we eat when we're just hungry, not over hungry.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:09:39]:
And it always feels good to do what we say we're going to do. When we have a reasonable ask, then it's fair. If it's an unreasonable ask, then it's not fair. It's setting ourselves up to fail. And that isn't kind and does not work out well. So not only does it feel good to do what we say we're going to do, but the other thing that feels good is having our back when we don't. So the beating up is the problem. In the scenario that we talked about, the predictable cycle of we're getting over hungry, overeating, beating ourselves up.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:10:15]:
The beating ourselves up is the major problem there. The getting over hungry is an issue, but that's something that we can fix if we notice it. The beating ourselves up as that cycle is the biggest problem in terms of creating a damaging or eroding the relationship we have with ourselves. Getting over hungry is just something we have to solve for. And one of the solves is a purse apple. But it is not a character flaw. It's something we're working on. So if it happens, we learn and adjust.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:10:47]:
We don't need to beat ourselves up over it. That is a new skill. Often our brain is very used to criticizing and blaming. We have to catch it and stop that. That reminds me of the Bob. I don't know Bob Newhart is. He's gone now, but he was a long time ago comedian and he had a little bit, a therapy bit that you paid him for two minutes of therapy. And it was something like $5 for two minutes.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:11:18]:
And you walked in and the woman sat in front of him and told him the problem. She I can't even remember what it was. But you know, I, I don't know, I scratched my arm too much. And so his advice was stop it that's the whole advice. That's why it was two minutes. He just said stop it. Of course we would if we could, but when we're aware of the over hunger and what happens then? We just make adjustments. There's no reason to beat ourselves up.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:11:52]:
I wish I could just say stop it and we would beat ourselves up. But what we do with that is we start to notice we have compassion for ourselves. We figure out what the issue is and we do it differently next time. So there's no reason for the beat up. We just make adjustments and try again. This is how we preserve our relationship with ourselves. We set ourselves up to succeed, that that's number one and we don't beat ourselves up if we miss the mark. Learning how to not beat ourselves up, how to have self compassion is one of the most important skills we can learn in life.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:12:32]:
And if we learn it through weight loss, amazing because I promise you, you will need this in work, in motherhood, in partnership, in everything. We want to be able to recognize when something didn't go the way we want and not blame and beat up ourselves. We want to be able to see the situation for what it is, make amends, make adjustments, do whatever is necessary and really understand that it's okay to make mistakes. It's okay to try something and if it doesn't go the way you thought, we'll just do it differently next time. It's a huge lesson because so many of us are high achiever, perfectionist people. A lot of the skills we feel got us here and now we really do have to change them. And particularly in weight loss it's a must because otherwise you won't be able to keep your weight off. It'll be all or nothing, you know, no sugar, no flour, no nothing.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:13:43]:
When you're losing weight and then eating everything when and then you're gaining weight. So it's that yo yo cycle. We want to stop that cycle and the way we do that is by having a different kind of relationship with ourselves where we wouldn't dream of beating ourselves up because we actually have compassion for our sweet self trying new things in a different way. So speaking of purse apples, which is what got us here in the first place, although to me purse apple really means preserving the relationship we have with ourselves. But the reason I want to tweak it a little bit is because an apple in terms of a snack will only get us so far. Honestly, an apple would get us maybe like 30 minutes. And if that's all you need, amazing. Like you have dinner reservations, but you're starving.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:14:29]:
Always have your purse apple or whatever it is you're bringing. Because if it's still 30 minutes away before you're even meeting up with people, it's at least an hour if not more before you're eating. And being over hungry at a restaurant with the menu in front of you can be challenging. It definitely a spot where you may end up overeating and beating yourself up. We want to prevent the beat down, so having a snack will be important. But a snack with real staying power would have protein in it. So apple is fine, but we'd want to pair it with like string cheese or a handful of almonds. And remember, for a snack, it's not going to last that long, but we can at least get more than 30 minutes out of it if we have some protein in there.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:15:18]:
Because an apple is sugar water. And fiber, fiber is fantastic, sweetness is delish. And something else like some almonds will have a tiny amount of protein but also a different kind of fiber. So that can work. Yogurts or other dairy is a really good source of protein for snacks. I really like that. And this is a place where I can also recommend protein bars, that kind of thing. They are processed foods, so if you're having them or not having them, that you know, that's up to you and what you can decide to do with that.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:15:55]:
I think they can be really helpful. Depends what you're eating at this time. But leftovers can work really well for snacks. They can work really well for lunch too. Protein is going to be your friend. And so a purse apple is amazing because you know it, you can take it back and forth. We do want protein in there. So then it becomes more of a lunchbox situation.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:16:21]:
Especially when we're talking about your everyday. So that you're packing lunch or again, you know where it's coming from, you have snacks. The other thing too, I want to say is pack more rather than less because you may have a day that you're exercising more than usual. You may have longer hours than usual. The meetings can go over. We have a saying in my family. It's like a sweater. It's better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:16:48]:
That's how I feel about, about food security blanket food. And remember, we're always following the hunger scale. This is not to eat prophylactically. Like in case this is when you get hungry, you have food with you and that really can make all the difference. And remember, it's all the difference in your relationship with yourself so that you're not getting over hungry overeating and then beating yourself up or breaking that cycle by making it easier to follow the hunger scale. Making it easier setting yourself up for success so that decisions become much easier to make and follow through. So as you're our little recap for sustainable weight loss, one of the most important things we cultivate is a trusting relationship with ourselves. Trust.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:17:38]:
Truly, this is the idea of, you know, giving someone a fish versus teaching them to fish. It's such a useful tool to have when you have a trusting relationship with yourself. You can be in any situation and get through it any. You know, you could be anywhere doing anything and you can trust yourself to get you through the situation with food or anything else. Frankly, it's with kind conscious decisions. And the way we preserve our relationship with ourselves is that we set ourselves up to succeed and we don't beat ourselves up if we miss the mark. Security Blanket Food, otherwise known as Purse Apple Plus, is one way to support you on this quest. I'm sending you so much love.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:18:29]:
I'm happy to help you with this as always. So come find me @StephanieFeinMD on Instagram or LinkedIn or StephanieFeinMD.com, click the Lose Weight with me button and we will be connected. Have a fantastic week.
