Stephanie Fein MD [00:00:00]:
Hello, fabulous. Dr. Stephanie Fein here with weight Loss for fertility. And today we are talking about tips for handling party situations. If you're listening to this in real time, it's December 23, 2025, and two seconds before Christmas time, and then New Year's. And I'm sure you've had parties before this, but this may be the sort of intensive time, especially if it's around family. And it's the perfect time for us to talk about this. We've talked about some of the stuff here and there in other parts, but this, we're going to have a survival kit right here, and that's what I like to call it.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:00:39]:
So let's get into it. This is for party situations. And number one is you don't have to go. If it's going to be overwhelming, if the food's going to be too much that you don't want to deal with, if the people are going to be too prying or boundaryless or whatever, and it's just going to be too difficult, then you don't have to go. Promise. Definitely. People will be upset. They'll be sad to miss you because you're fabulous and wonderful and who doesn't want to spend time with you? But they will be okay, and so will you in missing it if you decide not to go.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:01:22]:
So that's always number one. Number one, don't have to go. Number two, if you do decide to go, you don't have to stay that long. I love this one. I really remember feeling very obligated to go and then to stay for, like, the whole thing and help and all that stuff. You don't have to. And just because you do this year doesn't mean you have to do it the same way next year. Next year can be a completely different thing.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:01:52]:
You know that very well. You literally can be pregnant. You could have a baby. There's lots of stuff that could go on. You could move to a different area. There's just so much that could happen in a year. So we don't have to have it in our brains that this is how we're gonna be forever. It can be this season.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:02:13]:
So those are the first sort of global things. Don't have to go. Don't have to stay long. Give everyone a kiss. Tell everyone you're going to have some bubbly, whether that's water or champagne or whatever, and then you can leave. Okay, Those are the first two things. The next is food. The food at the party, of course.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:02:35]:
You know, my first tip is always going to Be the hunger scale. Always the hunger scale is so helpful. So we eat when we're hungry. We stop when we're satisfied, not full. And that gets us through so much. That answers so many questions. Should I have seconds? Are you hungry? Should you know, should I have appetizers? Do you love them? And then if you have the appetizers and then now you're satisfied, not full, so then you're not going to eat dinner. To me, that's zero problem.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:03:11]:
You've eaten the things that you wanted. Amazing. But checking in with your hunger level will help you in terms of the food in all this. The other one that's really helpful here, of course, is planning if you know what's going to be at the party and you know the things you love the most.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:03:31]:
Although I will say, this year, my brother brought banana cream pie to Thanksgiving that was new and delicious. So I will prepare for that even more next time. I did not prepare for that, and I still had some. It was fantastic. Not a problem. Worked into all the things that I was doing. But things can. That can happen.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:03:54]:
This system rolls with it. So hunger scale planning as best you can. You may get a banana cream pie in there. Not a problem.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:04:06]:
And then more specifically, if it's a buffet, I always think that's better for us because people aren't looking at your plate nearly as much. Now, the truth is, I don't think they're looking at your plate ever. But with a buffet, you can be really clear about taking the things you like and leaving the things you don't. That's always what we're eating. We're always eating things that we think taste really good, and we're not eating things we don't want to eat. Now, I will get to food pushers in just a moment, but when we're at the buffet, we're just going to take a little of everything, knowing that if we really want to, we can come back. But that usually a small portion is plenty, especially if there's a couple things that we want. Remember, we don't do it here, where you have to eat all your greens first.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:05:00]:
There's nothing in terms of the food that you have to eat except stop when you're satisfied, not fall. So if you're eating a whole thing of mashed potatoes, because that's your very favorite thing on Christmas Eve, then please go ahead. What we don't want is for you to overstuff yourself. And that only happens when we're denying ourselves something. Our brains are so tricky. We're indulgent. We're sneaking it to ourselves, which of course we aren't because we're deciding to do that, but we see it as forbidden. And so we shovel as much as we possibly can in there because we're not allowed.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:05:37]:
I'm putting that in air quotes. Of course you're allowed. You're a grownup. You can do anything you want. So the only rule we have is eat when you're hungry, stop when you're satisfied, not full. If it's a plate of mashed potatoes, that's not a problem. What we don't want is for it to be a mountain where you're stuffed and in pain and nauseous. That's not good for us now, that's not good for us in the future.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:06:00]:
If we're eating what we love all the time, allowing ourselves to have the things we love in the long run, it's so better and we're having a great experience at the time. And if we stop when we're satisfied, not full, it's perfect. It works great.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:06:17]:
So this is why it's so important. Please have the things you love. Eat them when you're hungry, stop when you're satisfied, not full. Promise it works. There's no restriction, there's no deprivation that will backfire every time. Okay, so there we are. With a buffet, a sit down can be a little different. And if there's too much of something or something you don't want, you can move it around the plate.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:06:43]:
This is. There's two ways of being. We can be very direct and honest. I don't like that, I don't want it, I'm not eating it, that sort of thing. Sometimes that will work great, amazing, sometimes. Aunt Martha is 85. We love her to pieces. She cares so much about her green bean casserole that you may want to be artful about it.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:07:06]:
And so either you like it so you eat it, or you hate it or don't like it or don't want to eat it, and you're just moving it on the plate. Okay, so there's that, there's the moving it on the plate, and then there's the helping with the dishes. Helping. Clear. Helping is very helpful. If you help the hostess, people really aren't paying attention and have no idea how much you're eating or not eating. If you have people who really are attentive, I'll say to your plate, that can be a good tip. The general idea is people really aren't looking, but you may have a situation I've certainly heard of them where people are hawk eyed about it and some of these sleight of hand kind of things can be really helpful.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:07:54]:
That brings me to the food pushers. With food pushers, a couple things depending on how you want to handle it and how you want to interact with them. I advocate for lying and saying that you ate it or it was delicious or whatever it is even if you didn't have it. In general, I don't love dishonesty. But if you've decided that you want to avoid Aunt Martha's emotions, you've decided you don't want to take them on, more power to you about that by the way, then telling her what she wants to hear, I'm for it. You also certainly can try a little, eat a little bit, just not a whole bunch. You can say I want to take it home and you can wrap it up and you can bring it home and you can toss it away or you could eat it later. There's a whole bunch of ways you can do this.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:08:50]:
Really what's going on with food pushers is that they want to feel seen and appreciated. Does that sound familiar? Because that's what we all want. They just are doing it in this particular way which can harm others. Harm obviously is a very strong word. But if we know this, a lot of times we can diffuse the situation by saying, I feel so loved by your attention to this beautiful gathering. Or I love the love you put into this pie.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:09:31]:
You could say things like I extracted the love and I don't need to chew and swallow it. Or you can just say I love how much you love this and can I have the recipe again or that sort of thing. Or I feel very loved. You are so special to me. I am am so happy to see you and spend time with you. That's really what they're looking for. So that's. Those are the ways I like to deal with food pushers.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:10:01]:
And please pick and choose. Combine as works for your situation. Okay, the second. So we had first decide whether you're going or staying and how long. The second is the food situation and the third are questions like questions from family and friends.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:10:20]:
Here's my main.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:10:23]:
Theory and way of handling this. This about how people can be intrusive and ask so many questions that are inappropriate. Like frankly inappropriate. Also sometimes like just on the edge of inappropriate. Anyway, whatever. You don't want to talk to them about it. My main strategy with this one is have your own questions lined up.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:10:47]:
Ask you ask the questions. Now you don't have to go around proactively, although I highly recommend. But if someone, if you're feeling cornered by a questioner, as soon as you can deflect and ask them questions, the better. People love talking about themselves. Love it. And so let's say you get someone asking you about your weight, they notice that you've lost weight and they're asking you about it. My favorite answer, and I got this from a mentor once, is, oh, how is it going? How's your weight loss going? My favorite answer is, I'm on my way.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:11:28]:
Now, I love that because my mentor who told me that said I could be on my way to the ice cream store. Like, on my way is very general and is truthful, no matter which way it's going, however you're feeling in the day. I'm on my way is my favorite answer to the question of how is your weight loss going? I'm on my way. You could also say, I'm trying something new. If you say that, you might have to be prepared to tell them about it, which if you're in the mood to do, would be amazing because it's fantastic to tell people that you don't have to restrict or deprive that there's no cheating and there's no restricting carbs. And it's eating when you're hungry, stopping when you're satisfied. I had a client recently who told me the story, and I may even mentioned it here because I just love it so much. She was at the clinic and the nurse weighing her in noticed her weight loss, and the nurse herself wanted to lose some weight.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:12:28]:
So she asked my client how she did it. And my client said, you're not going to believe me. I eat when I'm hungry. I stop when I'm satisfied, not full. That could stop the conversation right there. And you'll know the person and the dynamic, but it's really a deflection and it's answering but not answering so that it doesn't go any deeper. And then asking them something like, oh, and I heard you have a new puppy, or, oh, what's been going on in your neck of the woods? Or what was that recipe that you were talking about the other day? After you answer the question, I love your shirt. Where did you get it? Literally any question that you can think of.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:13:09]:
And this is why. Preparing questions ahead of time, and you may know certain people that are particularly challenging, come up with some questions specific for them, and then you are, I'm telling you, people love to talk about themselves. And you just deflect, deflect, deflect. You have a little conversation. Oh, I'm going to go get something to drink. Oh, I see Gary over there. You know what I mean? You can get out of it artfully. And people feel that you've answered them, you've spoken with them, and they don't need the actual gritty details, numbers or things you may not want to tell them.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:13:45]:
That brings me to fertility, and I'm sure you've seen a lot of different ways of handling this. I'm just going to give a brief overview the way I like to see it here. There are things that if you are happy to talk to these loved ones who you feel very comfortable with. Amazing. Obviously, that's very easy. If you don't want to discuss it, you can have, again, prepared statements. And I know that sounds funny, but practicing them and having them is so valuable because part of it is that you're buying it for yourself. So if you say something like, we aren't discussing it, if you feel inside it's true, I don't want to discuss it with this group of people, then it can come out very true, clear, and not in a mean way.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:14:37]:
Oh, how's it going? Oh, we're not discussing it, or, oh, we're keeping things private. Oh, it's so sweet of you to ask. I promise we're going to tell everyone when there's good news. I promise you'll be one of the first to know all about the good news. And that doesn't give a timeline, that doesn't give. That you don't have to have every two week wait is the good news. Like you get the good news of, like, the name of the baby, like the due date, that kind of thing.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:15:09]:
So however you decide, and deciding ahead of time, by the way, I'm sure you've noticed if you're around here, is everything deciding ahead of time, deciding what we're eating ahead of time, deciding what the week looks like, the food week looks like, deciding how we're going to answer it. It is not a surprise that people are going to ask you these questions. And so having answers prepared ahead of time, oh, my gosh. Saves so much.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:15:36]:
So those are a few things on if people are asking you fertility questions, which probably you can prepare that someone will, even though it's totally inappropriate. But again, we say, oh, we're keeping that private until we have something to announce. And then ask them the recipe, ask them their vacation, ask them where they got their shoes, ask them when they Got their hair done. What shampoo do they use? Oh, I was thinking what present did you get? So, and just bring it around to something else. People are happy to answer the questions. Okay, next section is plan for anxiety.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:16:23]:
So if you're, especially if you're like traveling or you're going to be spending days with family or friends, know that there will be some discomfort, some anxiety, something like that. And the reason we're planning for this again is because we want non food coping mechanisms.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:16:43]:
And the way we do this is creating a comfort list. This is again planning ahead of time. Hopefully you have a comfort list. Now there's two here that I'm going to talk about. One is your at home comfort list. And that can include things that you do at home and have prepared at home. So if there's crafts at home or there's TV shows that you have on Netflix, although I guess nowadays you have the Netflix wherever you go. Because I was going to say the other one is the away version and that's things that you can do when you're not at home.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:17:14]:
There's a lot you can do when you're not at home now you can call anyone. You can now watch the TV shows you want to watch. On my list for away.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:17:26]:
Comfort list item is this dysfunctional family bingo which I've talked about when it comes to holidays because I just think it's so brilliant. This is Martha Beck and you can Google it. Martha Beck, dysfunctional family bingo. And it's. You literally put Uncle Frank gets drunk in one of the squares. And when Uncle Frank gets drunk, because he's done every other Christmas, so he definitely is going to do it this Christmas, you mark that one off. And the way that Martha Beck talks about it is she talks about that you have a buddy. So you speak to the buddy, you say, oh, I wonder who's going to win dysfunctional family bingo.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:18:08]:
Between the two of you, you experience the party, you fill in your bingo card and then you talk to your friend about it afterwards. That whole sequence works out really well. If you're going to have a difficult time and you decide to go, it can have like less hard things on there, it can have more hard things, whatever. However that works, it can be a really good solution to anxiety.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:18:35]:
With a family party. So a comfort list. I like at least five things. You think of them ahead of time. So if you're starting to feel anxious, you're gonna seek out grandma's dog, you're gonna help your niece and nephew play. I don't know Tag you're going to. You can be comfortless. Very specific to this party.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:18:58]:
I'm gonna go for a walk. I'm gonna help in the kitchen. I'm gonna. There can be a couple five things that you do to help yourself at this party so that you're not coping with the food pushers and the things that sort of trigger you with food. Okay, so that's the anxiety. And the last one is plan for boredom. Because if you're not anxious at the party, you might be bored. And because you've had the conversations, you don't want to talk to those people.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:19:29]:
You've. You're tired of playing tag, there can be some boredom. And then I want you to have a list of activities. Activities, if that happens. And that can be excusing yourself, going for a walk, talking to your partner, excusing yourself to make a phone call, running an errand for someone again, doing the dishes. These sorts of things that you know that boredom and anxiety are going to be two of the major feelings you can be having at a family party.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:19:59]:
Neither of which we want you eating to solve. We solve them more directly. And with boredom, it's definitely a list of activities is the thing that gets you on board with anxiety. A hug or calming your nervous system would be a direct coping mechanism. But we can also do a little bit of distracting with helping in the kitchen. Although I was going to say, like a walk around would actually be regulating to your nervous system. So we have a combination of both. So this is your holiday survival kit.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:20:31]:
It's a little bit of a primer on how to handle the parties that are coming up and especially if you're going away. These will be useful each day for the next week. Also, obviously this could be used all week for New Year's also and for any party you have in the future. Birthdays, anniversaries, reunions, anything. As a recap, your holiday survival kit mainly includes using your hunger scale. When we're around food, picking the things you love, but eating them when you're hungry, stopping when you're satisfied, handling questions.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:21:08]:
Mainly with prepared answers and deflecting with questions. People love talking about themselves. Ask them, ask them, ask them. And then the last peace. Next, have a plan for the inevitabilities. Possibly anxiety, possibly boredom. You're going to have list of activities and comfort. And the last thing is when you've handled this, be proud, congratulate yourself.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:21:40]:
This is a big deal and you've done it. And we do that with a quick be proud. So that's amazing. I'm going to add that you can do a quick evaluation and remember how we do an evaluation. What went well, what didn't, what are we going to do differently? And you can learn from it also. That's another way. Like, oh, I wish I handled that differently. Next time I'm going to have this question ready.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:22:05]:
There you are. I'm proud of you and I'm sending you so much love in the holiday season and anytime. I hope this was helpful. If this makes sense to you, I would love for you to lose weight with me. Just go to stephaniefeinmd.com click the lose weight with me button. We will be connected or you can find me on Instagram or LinkedIn @StephanieFeinMD I'm always there. I am wishing you the most love and light this holiday season and I will talk to you before the New year next week.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:22:41]:
Sending you so much love.
